


I'll Give Them Back, I Promise

by noirsparker



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: I have not written in MONTHS, M/M, This angsty, and short sorry sjdhsjd, but I'm back Babey!!, probably more chapters to come tho, we stan breaking my own heart while sleep deprived
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-16 00:43:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17539433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noirsparker/pseuds/noirsparker
Summary: "Captain Steven Grant Rogers" she  finished reading the list of today's dead, and everyone looked at Steve, confusion rife on their faces. How could he be today's dead, if he was sitting right there?Steve said nothing, glancing down at the dog tags clasped in his hands. The ones that read " Sg. James Buchanan Barnes." He didn't even try to control his tears.





	I'll Give Them Back, I Promise

"Captain Steven Grant Rogers" she finished reading the list of today's dead, and everyone looked at Steve, confusion rife on their faces. How could he be today's dead, if he was sitting right there?  
Steve said nothing, glancing down at the dog tags clasped in his hands. The ones that read " Sg. James Buchanan Barnes." He didn't even try to control his tears.  
_________________________________  
It was a comfort thing for them. They'd joked about it before, never serious, just something to lighten the mood. One night, after a little too much drinking, Bucky looked up at him, with the look on his face that Steve had come to know meant he thought he had a brilliant idea.   
"What is it this time?" he almost deadpanned, though Bucky knew he was eager to hear it.  
"What if we swapped dog tags before we went out? We can't die. We have to return them."  
Steve almost laughed, but Bucky looked dead serious. He knew it was stupid. They both did. But when you're on the frontlines and you don't know if you'll ever see each other again, even stupid hope is clung to.   
The next time Bucky was called out, Steve grabbed his shoulder before he left, pressing his dog tags into his hand with a solemn, yet tender look. Bucky tugged his own chain from his neck, and hung it around Steve's.   
"I'll give them back. I promise."   
And so a tradition was begun.   
Nobody knew about it, and they intended to keep it that way. It was just a little too close to romance for publicity. That became another reason they couldn't die. So now they had three.  
________________________________  
A hand on his shoulder snapped him out of it, and he realised he was still crying.   
"Steve?" Peggy. She knew about the dog tags. Knew why Steve's name was listed under the dead rather than Bucky's. Knew why Steve looked like his heart had been ripped out. They were alone now, he hadn't even noticed they'd moved, but at least they were safe to talk here.  
"He's gone, Peg" He choked back a sob. "He promised me. Said he couldnt die, not with my tags. Not without.... Without making me a Barnes too."  
She pulled him into a hug as she hid her own tears. Bucky had been like a brother to her. And Steve, seeing him hurt like this. It only added to the pain.   
"I'll make sure they do him justice, Steve. I'll tell his family myself if I ha-"  
"No." His voice was hoarse, laced with agony. "I...I should tell them. He'd want that." Peggy nodded, understanding.   
"I can have you discharged, on grief or shell shock or something. If you think that would make this easier" Steve didn't know how to explain why he couldn't do that, why he had to stay. He simply shook his head. She didn't question him.   
________________________________  
"If I go-"   
"You're not going to go."  
"Yeah but if I do. You gotta stay. You gotta win. For me. Please Stevie." Bucky was drunk, his words heavily slurred. Steve was all but carrying him. This was the one night off they had together, the only chance to be fully them. Steve didn't want to promise that. He didn't know if living without Bucky was something he could do. But he pulled him into an alley, and pressed a soft, hasty kiss to his whiskey stained lips.   
" I will. I promise. But you're not dying." He didn't believe that. Not really. But he had to. He couldn't bring himself to consider the other option.  
A stroke of luck had manifested that night, in that the hotel they had been sent to to rest had only one room available. They pushed the twin beds together and spent the night in each others arms. The first since the war had started. And ultimately the last they would ever share.  
_________________________________  
Three months. It had been three months since they'd kissed. Since their touch had been romantic, since they had even expressed their love. Did Bucky even remember? Did he know just how much Steve had loved him. Had he thought of him as he realised he was going to die? He would never know. He didn't know anything anymore. Anything but the aching flame of grief burning where a heart full of love had once beat. Anything but a desire to win this war or die trying, for Bucky.   
He didn't know which one he wanted more.


End file.
